Driving

DH finally admitted that his driving edge has become less acute. There are times that he scares me when he is driving. He pulls too far forward at stop signs and red lights. He drives too close to the white or yellow lines. He follows too close. All of these can cause a disaster but he is trying and for that I give him a 10.

Surgery for myself is coming closer. Yesterday I asked DH to list the things that he felt needed to be completed around the house before I go to the hospital. He had a very good list at the end of the day. I almost completed one of his items. There has been a box of books in our master bedroom since the carpeting was cleaned. Last night I put most of the books away. Tonight I will complete the task. When I say books I mean close to 250 books. My endurance is not great now so I am taking my time but sticking to it until I give up or finish.

Please continue to pray for all dementia and Alzheimer's patients, their care givers, families and friends. God bless you.

DH not well

Yesterday DH visited the doctor for his weekly protime test. (He is on Coumadin therapy and currently the dosage is changing weekly.) After my visit with our primary care physician last week and some straight talk the first thing they did was take an x-ray of his lungs. He has fluid in his lungs again. They put him on a strong antibiotic and took blood samples for various tests. DH is scared that he is sick again and will end up in the hospital. I keep encouraging him by reminding him that this time we caught it early and will see it through to total healing. He was also told that it will take six months for his strength to totally return. I don't think he liked that, but it will give him a time line to work towards.

The rehab hospital that he was in the final two weeks of his hospitalization has a six month free use of the physical therapy swimming pool. I am encouraging him to take advantage of it. If I encourage (nag) him often enough he will finally hear me and call about arrangements. He needs this to help regain his strength.

I extend my deepest sympathies to Ami Simms and her family. Ami's mother Beebe passed away this last weekend from Alzheimer's and will be deeply missed. You can visit Ami's blog at www.amisimms.wordpress.com. She is the founder of the Alzheimer's Quilt Initiative at http://www.alzquilts.org/.

I have a very busy next two weeks so posts may not be daily or very long.

Thank you again for all your prayers for dementia patients, their care givers and extended families. This is a very tough road to walk.

Although I had a four day weekend most of the time was spent working in the kitchen, working on a toilet that will not flush and searching for 5 pistols that belong to DH. The kitchen is almost back in pristine shape, the toilet is still not working and DH found 4 of the pistols. Today he will be looking for the last one. Finding these pistols takes a load off my mind.

We did have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with DD, SIL and GS. Jeremy is growing into such a wonderful boy. He and I had a long conversation and I must say he is fantastic. I love him too much to define. After dinner we had some target practice. Wait, you say. Jeremy is only 7. Well that kid can sure shoot a marshmallow blaster. I learned from him. What fun!

I have a very heavy work load during the next 15 calendar days and on December 16 I will be having my right knee replaced. I don't know how much blogging I will do in the meantime. I also need to stick very strictly to my diet so that my physical therapy after surgery is easier. 30 minutes 3 times a day for knee replacement physical therapy and some of it is patient driven. Thank God some of it is a machine that works on keeping the knee flexing. I will start at 35 degrees and end up at 110 degrees flex. After that any additional flexibility will be on my own.

DH is worried about how he will be able to care for me after I get home from my three day hospital stay. I am sure that he will do fine. He is still showing symptoms of dementia. Last night he repeated the same question within 5 minutes, but stopped half way through as he realized that he was repeating. That in itself is reasuring.

Bless you and please continue to pray for dementia patients and their extended families.

Have a great day.

Minor temper tantrum

DH had a minor fit of anger yesterday when the Buick would not start. He said to sell the **** thing. Of course this morning he was full of ideas on how to fix the problems. This is the man I married 14 years ago. Angry one minute and fixing the problem the next. I have learned to ignore the anger and wait for the calm after the storm. Actually the anger is nice. For the last two years he didn't really have any temper tantrums. Yes, he was angry, but there was no specific subject for the anger.

I know you think I am crazy, but the normal from before this all started is something I am used to. My father was exactly the same way and sometimes (more often than I like to admit) I am too. If it doesn't work get angry. NOW THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Blame it on being too close to my father. I loved and idealized him. He wasn't always right, but back then I was a child that only imitated. Now as an adult I realize it isn't right. When I am scared I get angry and hit out at everything and everyone. There is no excuse for it, but it has been the way I handled things from childhood. I do try to stop before it gets bad but sometimes it still slips out and then I have to be ashamed of myself.

We are having two Thanksgiving dinners this year. Tomorrow we are spending the afternoon with my MIL and will have country ham, biscuits and gravy. I am providing the food. Thursday we are spending the afternoon with out Teresa, John and Jeremy. I will be bringing homemade dinner rolls and deviled eggs. We are going to share the cost of a Honey Baked Turkey. Wow, what a dinner with the other menu items that Teresa will make.

I hope everyone who is American will have a wonderful Thanksgiving day.

Thank you for your prayers for dementia patients and their extended families.

DH and driving

DH drove all the way home from Gatlinburg. His only problem is following too close to other drivers and that has been a habit for many years. It seems that he has returned to his previous level of dementia as when he was diagnosed 10 months ago. What a relief!

He still have his memory moments, but they are only moments. This morning he kept asking where I had put his GPS unit. He had left it on the dining room table and was insisting that he had not moved it. Then he looked at the table next to his arm chair and there it was right where he had put it. This I can deal with. This is minor. This is where I want him to be right now.

We still have two months before we visit the neurologist again. I cannot wait to see what the doctor's response is.

Bless you and keep you during this holiday season.

Thank you for your prayers and keep all dementia patients and their extended families in your prayers.

Responses to "Sour Apples"

I received responses from two individuals on my blogs. One was a member of my guild and the other anonymous. I am not surprised by either. The one who is a member of my guild cannot imagine that the members of the guild could possibly have treated me that way. I never said all members of the guild. Check "Sour Apples" and you will see that only a few members treated me with such disdain. The others have treated me with respect and understanding. To anonymous I can only say that you are probably one of those who treated me so badly and now you are trying to make me out the bad guy (in spite of claiming not to be a member of my guild).

I have been able to move one. But these members (not all members) of my guild obviously have not been able to deal with the guilt and self horror they have after what they have done. I can only pray that they will move on with their lives and leave me alone. I haven't found any need to comment on their blogs and I hope that they stay out of mine.

This is my blog and I only recently reopened the ability of others to leave comments. The first two are negative. Be nice. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Pain can be felt many ways and the response is not predictable and is often beyond control. Either you get it or you don't.

Have a great day.

Sour Apples

Right now all my former friends from Quilt Guild are enjoying themselves at a retreat at Blue Licks Battlefield and State Park. They are eating and drinking and sewing and sharing quilt tips and talking and having a wonderful weekend. I do envy them. I love retreats.

I have no hopes that these former friends will ever become my friends again. In fact I don't want their friendship. However, I cannot imagine cutting myself off from the guild and future quilt retreats. I am not sure what I will be doing about it, but a solution will be found that makes me content in myself. If they are uncomfortable about my solution that will be something they will have to deal with.

These former friends never understood what I was going through. They just saw my sorrow and anger at circumstances and could no long deal with it. Again, that is their problem. That my DH almost died on October 10 is something they know nothing about and I don't really think they would care.

I have lost one husband to an auto accident, divorced a second because he shut me out of his life and almost lost a third one to kidney failure, sepsis, staph infection and pneumonia. For three days we kept DH alive on a ventilator while trying to heal the infection, restart the kidneys without dialysis and clear his lungs from the pneumonia. That we have had four weeks of hospitalization to deal with; that DH has lost 30 pounds during his illness; that he is using a walker or wheelchair because he has no endurance; that I have been beside myself with worry; in all of these things they were not there for me.

They pledged their friendship and help and then withdrew it because they could not deal with me. I regret that they were unable to help me. I would have loved the support of friends. However, I am moving forward and getting my life in order. My DH still has dementia. He will continue to slide downhill into a memory loss. There will be times that I will want to strike out at anything to deal with the anger of my husband loosing his memory. I will find other friends who will comfort me. I will find other quilt buddies to interact with. I will go on with my life and be a happy and content person.

I can only feel sorry for these women and hope that they never have to deal with what I have been going through and what I have ahead. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have been at the brink of death and seen my husband pull back into a life that we never thought we would enjoy again.

Whether these women read my blog or not, I felt that I finally had to express my sadness at their reaction to my deepest pain. They were not there for me and I can never forget what they did to me. They are forgiven and written out of my life.

I am sorry for the sour apples...but I needed to get this written so that I can go on with my life. The pain inflicted has continued to eat at my heart and I don't want that pain any more. I don't want them to apologize. I just want them to stay away from me and leave me alone.

In spite of the content of my blog today, please have a happy and safe day. May God watch over you and keep you in his love.