Minor temper tantrum

DH had a minor fit of anger yesterday when the Buick would not start. He said to sell the **** thing. Of course this morning he was full of ideas on how to fix the problems. This is the man I married 14 years ago. Angry one minute and fixing the problem the next. I have learned to ignore the anger and wait for the calm after the storm. Actually the anger is nice. For the last two years he didn't really have any temper tantrums. Yes, he was angry, but there was no specific subject for the anger.

I know you think I am crazy, but the normal from before this all started is something I am used to. My father was exactly the same way and sometimes (more often than I like to admit) I am too. If it doesn't work get angry. NOW THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Blame it on being too close to my father. I loved and idealized him. He wasn't always right, but back then I was a child that only imitated. Now as an adult I realize it isn't right. When I am scared I get angry and hit out at everything and everyone. There is no excuse for it, but it has been the way I handled things from childhood. I do try to stop before it gets bad but sometimes it still slips out and then I have to be ashamed of myself.

We are having two Thanksgiving dinners this year. Tomorrow we are spending the afternoon with my MIL and will have country ham, biscuits and gravy. I am providing the food. Thursday we are spending the afternoon with out Teresa, John and Jeremy. I will be bringing homemade dinner rolls and deviled eggs. We are going to share the cost of a Honey Baked Turkey. Wow, what a dinner with the other menu items that Teresa will make.

I hope everyone who is American will have a wonderful Thanksgiving day.

Thank you for your prayers for dementia patients and their extended families.

DH and driving

DH drove all the way home from Gatlinburg. His only problem is following too close to other drivers and that has been a habit for many years. It seems that he has returned to his previous level of dementia as when he was diagnosed 10 months ago. What a relief!

He still have his memory moments, but they are only moments. This morning he kept asking where I had put his GPS unit. He had left it on the dining room table and was insisting that he had not moved it. Then he looked at the table next to his arm chair and there it was right where he had put it. This I can deal with. This is minor. This is where I want him to be right now.

We still have two months before we visit the neurologist again. I cannot wait to see what the doctor's response is.

Bless you and keep you during this holiday season.

Thank you for your prayers and keep all dementia patients and their extended families in your prayers.

Responses to "Sour Apples"

I received responses from two individuals on my blogs. One was a member of my guild and the other anonymous. I am not surprised by either. The one who is a member of my guild cannot imagine that the members of the guild could possibly have treated me that way. I never said all members of the guild. Check "Sour Apples" and you will see that only a few members treated me with such disdain. The others have treated me with respect and understanding. To anonymous I can only say that you are probably one of those who treated me so badly and now you are trying to make me out the bad guy (in spite of claiming not to be a member of my guild).

I have been able to move one. But these members (not all members) of my guild obviously have not been able to deal with the guilt and self horror they have after what they have done. I can only pray that they will move on with their lives and leave me alone. I haven't found any need to comment on their blogs and I hope that they stay out of mine.

This is my blog and I only recently reopened the ability of others to leave comments. The first two are negative. Be nice. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Pain can be felt many ways and the response is not predictable and is often beyond control. Either you get it or you don't.

Have a great day.

Sour Apples

Right now all my former friends from Quilt Guild are enjoying themselves at a retreat at Blue Licks Battlefield and State Park. They are eating and drinking and sewing and sharing quilt tips and talking and having a wonderful weekend. I do envy them. I love retreats.

I have no hopes that these former friends will ever become my friends again. In fact I don't want their friendship. However, I cannot imagine cutting myself off from the guild and future quilt retreats. I am not sure what I will be doing about it, but a solution will be found that makes me content in myself. If they are uncomfortable about my solution that will be something they will have to deal with.

These former friends never understood what I was going through. They just saw my sorrow and anger at circumstances and could no long deal with it. Again, that is their problem. That my DH almost died on October 10 is something they know nothing about and I don't really think they would care.

I have lost one husband to an auto accident, divorced a second because he shut me out of his life and almost lost a third one to kidney failure, sepsis, staph infection and pneumonia. For three days we kept DH alive on a ventilator while trying to heal the infection, restart the kidneys without dialysis and clear his lungs from the pneumonia. That we have had four weeks of hospitalization to deal with; that DH has lost 30 pounds during his illness; that he is using a walker or wheelchair because he has no endurance; that I have been beside myself with worry; in all of these things they were not there for me.

They pledged their friendship and help and then withdrew it because they could not deal with me. I regret that they were unable to help me. I would have loved the support of friends. However, I am moving forward and getting my life in order. My DH still has dementia. He will continue to slide downhill into a memory loss. There will be times that I will want to strike out at anything to deal with the anger of my husband loosing his memory. I will find other friends who will comfort me. I will find other quilt buddies to interact with. I will go on with my life and be a happy and content person.

I can only feel sorry for these women and hope that they never have to deal with what I have been going through and what I have ahead. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have been at the brink of death and seen my husband pull back into a life that we never thought we would enjoy again.

Whether these women read my blog or not, I felt that I finally had to express my sadness at their reaction to my deepest pain. They were not there for me and I can never forget what they did to me. They are forgiven and written out of my life.

I am sorry for the sour apples...but I needed to get this written so that I can go on with my life. The pain inflicted has continued to eat at my heart and I don't want that pain any more. I don't want them to apologize. I just want them to stay away from me and leave me alone.

In spite of the content of my blog today, please have a happy and safe day. May God watch over you and keep you in his love.

Buick works -- DH fixed it

Yesterday DH got the Buick running. He was very tired last night, but the success of the completion was evident. He was very happy.

We went grocery shopping after I got home from work. He was not able to walk the entire story, but that was okay. He tried and that is the most important thing. On the way home I turned into our subdivision and he asked where I was going. I told him home. He seemed slightly lost. I think he is still reclaiming his surroundings. Maybe I am fooling myself and this is dementia rearing it's ugly head. I don't know, but I will continue to be observant.

He is so much improved that from time to time I think that the diagnosis of dementia was a total mistake. Then something like this crops up and I get discouraged.

Please continue to pray for all dementia patients, their care givers, their family members and the medical community that works so hard to assist them.

Weather moderating and DH is going to work on his car

Today they are forecasting weather in the upper 50's and DH is planning on working on his Buick. Hooray! He is motivated and his endurance is increasing. So is his appetite. Last night we had left over pizza and he ate 1/2 of the pizza by himself. This is a great stride forward.

Tonight I am going to ask for his help in cleaning out the Mercury. We will be driving it for our vacation and it needs a spring cleaning. Oh, you say, it is fall. Well then a fall cleaning. I am so happy that I am getting silly.

Silly is fine. Silly is great. I have my husband back and I am celebrating.

Still keep praying for all dementia patients, their caregivers, their families and all who take care of them.

DH has been given back his driving license

Yesterday DH and I visited our primary care physician. He agree's with me that DH is now capable of driving. He is clear headed and more in control of himself than he has been in almost 10 months. The doctor also said that the staph infection was probably dormant for several months and was messing with DH's head toward the last few weeks. It was such a pleasure to give him his driver's license! (I only had it in my wallet so we could vote...but the symbol was great.)

One day this week DH is going to take my car for the day and get the oil changed. He also has some work to do on his Buick to get it running. He was worried the other day that what ever work he had done in the last few weeks may have been totally wrong and he has a lot of work to do to fix the car. This will give him something to do during the long days. He has also said that he is starting to not miss working as an over the road truck driver. I know this will always be in his blood, but he really is not in the position to drive professionally any longer. His gratious attitude about this is surprising, but very welcome.

I asked him what he wanted to take with him on vacation and he said only his laptop computer. He is still getting frustrated with it, but not giving up. This coming week may be the opportunity to get him back in the groove with his computer. I will have the time and patience to sit with him and work on it.

We are so looking forward to this vacation. I cannot wait.

Thanks again for all the prayers and please keep praying for all dementia patients. It is frustrating from the view of the caregiver, but to be loosing your most precious memories and know it is happening must be devestating.

DH is home!!!!!

I picked up DH on Friday morning and brought him home. His stamina is still lacking, however he is getting better each day. The rehab facility changed and deleted several of his meds. We are seeing the primary care physician today and will try to get the rest that are needed added back into his daily meds. For now I am following the list the hospital gave us.

Yesterday the intake nurse for the visiting nurses came by to interview DH. He too had a bad experience with the first rehab facility. It seems that this is not the first time a nurse on their staff has been caught stealing medications that have a street value. I doubt that they will act on this, but it may cause some real intent watching by the Cincinnati police.

I really have my husband back! He is alert and awake all day long. No naps. What a difference. He still has some very light symptoms of dementia. I believe that the diagnosis of dementia is still appropriate, but I will have him much longer than I thought. Most of this year I thought I would be a widow before spring of 2009. Now I think I will have a husband that is coherent and involved for a much longer time. This is a celebration of life!

I still ask for prayers for all dementia patients, their families and care givers. I have seen in my own life the miracle of prayers and want it for the others who deal with this disease. Thank you.

Still scheduled for Friday release

The rehab center still has DH scheduled for release at 8:00 A.M. on Friday, November 7. My employeer has given me the okay to go directly to rehab to pick up DH and arrive at work later in the morning. The dogs are going to be so excited that I may go into the house first and put them out into the back yard before letting DH come into the house and up to the main level. Then I can let them back into the house.

I have checked our vacation location in Gatlinburg and they have a weight room and indoor swim park so that DH can continue his therapy on his own. We should have a very health man for the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Woo Hoo!

Please continue to pray for all dementia patients, their families and caregivers. They need to be lifted up to the Lord on a daily basis.

Successful Road Trip

Yesterday DH and I escaped the rehab center for 5 1/2 hours. First was a mad dash to the neurologist. The results of that appointment were amazing. The intake nurse was amazed in the change in DH. She could not stop commenting on it. The Dr. was a little less enthused and felt that the change was the result of the CPAP. (After the appointment DH told me that he hadn't used the CPAP for over a week.)

Next was down one floor in the Medical Arts Building to the orthopaedic surgeon. He was pleasantly surprised with the advances DH has made in physical therapy and encouraged DH to continue with his home exercises to increase muscle strength in his left arm and shoulder. He told DH that he would have a little more strength in the shoulder but that was all. DH really heard him for the first time and was not happy with the truth.

Next was a quick stop to pick up some cold drinks and drive to the polling precinct. There was no line, but earlier in the day there had been. We both voted and then went to Bob Evans for supper. After a leasurly supper we went back to the rehab center and watched the election results.

DH was tired, but alert toward the end of the evening. What a beautiful day.

The doctor's and nurses at the rehab center are telling DH that he will definitely be coming home this Friday. I have all my duckies in order to pick him up and bring him home. This will be a major celebration.

Praise and worship for Him who made this possible and thanks for all the prayers.

Road Trip

Yesterday we passed the transfer to car test. Today James will go on his first road trip since his illness. He has two doctor's appointments and needs to vote. After all this, supper at his restaurant of choice and back to the rehab center.

I will update after the road trip is complete. I am sure he will be tired.

Bless all of you.

Temporary good behavior release

DH is going to be allowed to go to two doctor's appointments and to vote tomorrow. I will be picking him up at the rehab center and driving him to his appointments and then we will go vote. The polling place is wheel chair accessable so that will be easy as well. I am going to take him out for supper at the restaurant of his choice.

They are still indicating that he will be going home Friday. If not, I will break him out for another doctor's appointment on Friday and treat him to supper again. I think we will both enjoy our time away from the hospital.

Yesterday while I visited we when down to the vending machines near the cafeteria and talked for about an hour in the cafeteria. He said he really enjoyed the time out of his room. I think we will be leaving the hospital room every evening the rest of the week to get him out and about.

Tonight I will be able to attent my guild meeting. DH was very good about giving up his evening visit. Since I saw him for an hour this morning while we practiced car transfer procedures and will be spending several hours together I think he was really sweet to let me go. I have a block to sew that needs to be turned in and I hope that I am the winner this month. If not, I will applaud the other member who wins as hard as possible!

DH will probably be getting a new roommate sometime this week. His current roommate is to be released tomorrow if all things go well.

Please pray for all the doctor's, nurse's, aid's, occupational therapist's and physcial therapist's that worked so hard for DH recovery. Along with your prayers they have brought about a miracle that I never anticipated.