Driving

DH finally admitted that his driving edge has become less acute. There are times that he scares me when he is driving. He pulls too far forward at stop signs and red lights. He drives too close to the white or yellow lines. He follows too close. All of these can cause a disaster but he is trying and for that I give him a 10.

Surgery for myself is coming closer. Yesterday I asked DH to list the things that he felt needed to be completed around the house before I go to the hospital. He had a very good list at the end of the day. I almost completed one of his items. There has been a box of books in our master bedroom since the carpeting was cleaned. Last night I put most of the books away. Tonight I will complete the task. When I say books I mean close to 250 books. My endurance is not great now so I am taking my time but sticking to it until I give up or finish.

Please continue to pray for all dementia and Alzheimer's patients, their care givers, families and friends. God bless you.

DH not well

Yesterday DH visited the doctor for his weekly protime test. (He is on Coumadin therapy and currently the dosage is changing weekly.) After my visit with our primary care physician last week and some straight talk the first thing they did was take an x-ray of his lungs. He has fluid in his lungs again. They put him on a strong antibiotic and took blood samples for various tests. DH is scared that he is sick again and will end up in the hospital. I keep encouraging him by reminding him that this time we caught it early and will see it through to total healing. He was also told that it will take six months for his strength to totally return. I don't think he liked that, but it will give him a time line to work towards.

The rehab hospital that he was in the final two weeks of his hospitalization has a six month free use of the physical therapy swimming pool. I am encouraging him to take advantage of it. If I encourage (nag) him often enough he will finally hear me and call about arrangements. He needs this to help regain his strength.

I extend my deepest sympathies to Ami Simms and her family. Ami's mother Beebe passed away this last weekend from Alzheimer's and will be deeply missed. You can visit Ami's blog at www.amisimms.wordpress.com. She is the founder of the Alzheimer's Quilt Initiative at http://www.alzquilts.org/.

I have a very busy next two weeks so posts may not be daily or very long.

Thank you again for all your prayers for dementia patients, their care givers and extended families. This is a very tough road to walk.

Although I had a four day weekend most of the time was spent working in the kitchen, working on a toilet that will not flush and searching for 5 pistols that belong to DH. The kitchen is almost back in pristine shape, the toilet is still not working and DH found 4 of the pistols. Today he will be looking for the last one. Finding these pistols takes a load off my mind.

We did have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day with DD, SIL and GS. Jeremy is growing into such a wonderful boy. He and I had a long conversation and I must say he is fantastic. I love him too much to define. After dinner we had some target practice. Wait, you say. Jeremy is only 7. Well that kid can sure shoot a marshmallow blaster. I learned from him. What fun!

I have a very heavy work load during the next 15 calendar days and on December 16 I will be having my right knee replaced. I don't know how much blogging I will do in the meantime. I also need to stick very strictly to my diet so that my physical therapy after surgery is easier. 30 minutes 3 times a day for knee replacement physical therapy and some of it is patient driven. Thank God some of it is a machine that works on keeping the knee flexing. I will start at 35 degrees and end up at 110 degrees flex. After that any additional flexibility will be on my own.

DH is worried about how he will be able to care for me after I get home from my three day hospital stay. I am sure that he will do fine. He is still showing symptoms of dementia. Last night he repeated the same question within 5 minutes, but stopped half way through as he realized that he was repeating. That in itself is reasuring.

Bless you and please continue to pray for dementia patients and their extended families.

Have a great day.

Minor temper tantrum

DH had a minor fit of anger yesterday when the Buick would not start. He said to sell the **** thing. Of course this morning he was full of ideas on how to fix the problems. This is the man I married 14 years ago. Angry one minute and fixing the problem the next. I have learned to ignore the anger and wait for the calm after the storm. Actually the anger is nice. For the last two years he didn't really have any temper tantrums. Yes, he was angry, but there was no specific subject for the anger.

I know you think I am crazy, but the normal from before this all started is something I am used to. My father was exactly the same way and sometimes (more often than I like to admit) I am too. If it doesn't work get angry. NOW THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Blame it on being too close to my father. I loved and idealized him. He wasn't always right, but back then I was a child that only imitated. Now as an adult I realize it isn't right. When I am scared I get angry and hit out at everything and everyone. There is no excuse for it, but it has been the way I handled things from childhood. I do try to stop before it gets bad but sometimes it still slips out and then I have to be ashamed of myself.

We are having two Thanksgiving dinners this year. Tomorrow we are spending the afternoon with my MIL and will have country ham, biscuits and gravy. I am providing the food. Thursday we are spending the afternoon with out Teresa, John and Jeremy. I will be bringing homemade dinner rolls and deviled eggs. We are going to share the cost of a Honey Baked Turkey. Wow, what a dinner with the other menu items that Teresa will make.

I hope everyone who is American will have a wonderful Thanksgiving day.

Thank you for your prayers for dementia patients and their extended families.

DH and driving

DH drove all the way home from Gatlinburg. His only problem is following too close to other drivers and that has been a habit for many years. It seems that he has returned to his previous level of dementia as when he was diagnosed 10 months ago. What a relief!

He still have his memory moments, but they are only moments. This morning he kept asking where I had put his GPS unit. He had left it on the dining room table and was insisting that he had not moved it. Then he looked at the table next to his arm chair and there it was right where he had put it. This I can deal with. This is minor. This is where I want him to be right now.

We still have two months before we visit the neurologist again. I cannot wait to see what the doctor's response is.

Bless you and keep you during this holiday season.

Thank you for your prayers and keep all dementia patients and their extended families in your prayers.

Responses to "Sour Apples"

I received responses from two individuals on my blogs. One was a member of my guild and the other anonymous. I am not surprised by either. The one who is a member of my guild cannot imagine that the members of the guild could possibly have treated me that way. I never said all members of the guild. Check "Sour Apples" and you will see that only a few members treated me with such disdain. The others have treated me with respect and understanding. To anonymous I can only say that you are probably one of those who treated me so badly and now you are trying to make me out the bad guy (in spite of claiming not to be a member of my guild).

I have been able to move one. But these members (not all members) of my guild obviously have not been able to deal with the guilt and self horror they have after what they have done. I can only pray that they will move on with their lives and leave me alone. I haven't found any need to comment on their blogs and I hope that they stay out of mine.

This is my blog and I only recently reopened the ability of others to leave comments. The first two are negative. Be nice. You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Pain can be felt many ways and the response is not predictable and is often beyond control. Either you get it or you don't.

Have a great day.

Sour Apples

Right now all my former friends from Quilt Guild are enjoying themselves at a retreat at Blue Licks Battlefield and State Park. They are eating and drinking and sewing and sharing quilt tips and talking and having a wonderful weekend. I do envy them. I love retreats.

I have no hopes that these former friends will ever become my friends again. In fact I don't want their friendship. However, I cannot imagine cutting myself off from the guild and future quilt retreats. I am not sure what I will be doing about it, but a solution will be found that makes me content in myself. If they are uncomfortable about my solution that will be something they will have to deal with.

These former friends never understood what I was going through. They just saw my sorrow and anger at circumstances and could no long deal with it. Again, that is their problem. That my DH almost died on October 10 is something they know nothing about and I don't really think they would care.

I have lost one husband to an auto accident, divorced a second because he shut me out of his life and almost lost a third one to kidney failure, sepsis, staph infection and pneumonia. For three days we kept DH alive on a ventilator while trying to heal the infection, restart the kidneys without dialysis and clear his lungs from the pneumonia. That we have had four weeks of hospitalization to deal with; that DH has lost 30 pounds during his illness; that he is using a walker or wheelchair because he has no endurance; that I have been beside myself with worry; in all of these things they were not there for me.

They pledged their friendship and help and then withdrew it because they could not deal with me. I regret that they were unable to help me. I would have loved the support of friends. However, I am moving forward and getting my life in order. My DH still has dementia. He will continue to slide downhill into a memory loss. There will be times that I will want to strike out at anything to deal with the anger of my husband loosing his memory. I will find other friends who will comfort me. I will find other quilt buddies to interact with. I will go on with my life and be a happy and content person.

I can only feel sorry for these women and hope that they never have to deal with what I have been going through and what I have ahead. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. I have been at the brink of death and seen my husband pull back into a life that we never thought we would enjoy again.

Whether these women read my blog or not, I felt that I finally had to express my sadness at their reaction to my deepest pain. They were not there for me and I can never forget what they did to me. They are forgiven and written out of my life.

I am sorry for the sour apples...but I needed to get this written so that I can go on with my life. The pain inflicted has continued to eat at my heart and I don't want that pain any more. I don't want them to apologize. I just want them to stay away from me and leave me alone.

In spite of the content of my blog today, please have a happy and safe day. May God watch over you and keep you in his love.

Buick works -- DH fixed it

Yesterday DH got the Buick running. He was very tired last night, but the success of the completion was evident. He was very happy.

We went grocery shopping after I got home from work. He was not able to walk the entire story, but that was okay. He tried and that is the most important thing. On the way home I turned into our subdivision and he asked where I was going. I told him home. He seemed slightly lost. I think he is still reclaiming his surroundings. Maybe I am fooling myself and this is dementia rearing it's ugly head. I don't know, but I will continue to be observant.

He is so much improved that from time to time I think that the diagnosis of dementia was a total mistake. Then something like this crops up and I get discouraged.

Please continue to pray for all dementia patients, their care givers, their family members and the medical community that works so hard to assist them.

Weather moderating and DH is going to work on his car

Today they are forecasting weather in the upper 50's and DH is planning on working on his Buick. Hooray! He is motivated and his endurance is increasing. So is his appetite. Last night we had left over pizza and he ate 1/2 of the pizza by himself. This is a great stride forward.

Tonight I am going to ask for his help in cleaning out the Mercury. We will be driving it for our vacation and it needs a spring cleaning. Oh, you say, it is fall. Well then a fall cleaning. I am so happy that I am getting silly.

Silly is fine. Silly is great. I have my husband back and I am celebrating.

Still keep praying for all dementia patients, their caregivers, their families and all who take care of them.

DH has been given back his driving license

Yesterday DH and I visited our primary care physician. He agree's with me that DH is now capable of driving. He is clear headed and more in control of himself than he has been in almost 10 months. The doctor also said that the staph infection was probably dormant for several months and was messing with DH's head toward the last few weeks. It was such a pleasure to give him his driver's license! (I only had it in my wallet so we could vote...but the symbol was great.)

One day this week DH is going to take my car for the day and get the oil changed. He also has some work to do on his Buick to get it running. He was worried the other day that what ever work he had done in the last few weeks may have been totally wrong and he has a lot of work to do to fix the car. This will give him something to do during the long days. He has also said that he is starting to not miss working as an over the road truck driver. I know this will always be in his blood, but he really is not in the position to drive professionally any longer. His gratious attitude about this is surprising, but very welcome.

I asked him what he wanted to take with him on vacation and he said only his laptop computer. He is still getting frustrated with it, but not giving up. This coming week may be the opportunity to get him back in the groove with his computer. I will have the time and patience to sit with him and work on it.

We are so looking forward to this vacation. I cannot wait.

Thanks again for all the prayers and please keep praying for all dementia patients. It is frustrating from the view of the caregiver, but to be loosing your most precious memories and know it is happening must be devestating.

DH is home!!!!!

I picked up DH on Friday morning and brought him home. His stamina is still lacking, however he is getting better each day. The rehab facility changed and deleted several of his meds. We are seeing the primary care physician today and will try to get the rest that are needed added back into his daily meds. For now I am following the list the hospital gave us.

Yesterday the intake nurse for the visiting nurses came by to interview DH. He too had a bad experience with the first rehab facility. It seems that this is not the first time a nurse on their staff has been caught stealing medications that have a street value. I doubt that they will act on this, but it may cause some real intent watching by the Cincinnati police.

I really have my husband back! He is alert and awake all day long. No naps. What a difference. He still has some very light symptoms of dementia. I believe that the diagnosis of dementia is still appropriate, but I will have him much longer than I thought. Most of this year I thought I would be a widow before spring of 2009. Now I think I will have a husband that is coherent and involved for a much longer time. This is a celebration of life!

I still ask for prayers for all dementia patients, their families and care givers. I have seen in my own life the miracle of prayers and want it for the others who deal with this disease. Thank you.

Still scheduled for Friday release

The rehab center still has DH scheduled for release at 8:00 A.M. on Friday, November 7. My employeer has given me the okay to go directly to rehab to pick up DH and arrive at work later in the morning. The dogs are going to be so excited that I may go into the house first and put them out into the back yard before letting DH come into the house and up to the main level. Then I can let them back into the house.

I have checked our vacation location in Gatlinburg and they have a weight room and indoor swim park so that DH can continue his therapy on his own. We should have a very health man for the holidays of Thanksgiving and Christmas. Woo Hoo!

Please continue to pray for all dementia patients, their families and caregivers. They need to be lifted up to the Lord on a daily basis.

Successful Road Trip

Yesterday DH and I escaped the rehab center for 5 1/2 hours. First was a mad dash to the neurologist. The results of that appointment were amazing. The intake nurse was amazed in the change in DH. She could not stop commenting on it. The Dr. was a little less enthused and felt that the change was the result of the CPAP. (After the appointment DH told me that he hadn't used the CPAP for over a week.)

Next was down one floor in the Medical Arts Building to the orthopaedic surgeon. He was pleasantly surprised with the advances DH has made in physical therapy and encouraged DH to continue with his home exercises to increase muscle strength in his left arm and shoulder. He told DH that he would have a little more strength in the shoulder but that was all. DH really heard him for the first time and was not happy with the truth.

Next was a quick stop to pick up some cold drinks and drive to the polling precinct. There was no line, but earlier in the day there had been. We both voted and then went to Bob Evans for supper. After a leasurly supper we went back to the rehab center and watched the election results.

DH was tired, but alert toward the end of the evening. What a beautiful day.

The doctor's and nurses at the rehab center are telling DH that he will definitely be coming home this Friday. I have all my duckies in order to pick him up and bring him home. This will be a major celebration.

Praise and worship for Him who made this possible and thanks for all the prayers.

Road Trip

Yesterday we passed the transfer to car test. Today James will go on his first road trip since his illness. He has two doctor's appointments and needs to vote. After all this, supper at his restaurant of choice and back to the rehab center.

I will update after the road trip is complete. I am sure he will be tired.

Bless all of you.

Temporary good behavior release

DH is going to be allowed to go to two doctor's appointments and to vote tomorrow. I will be picking him up at the rehab center and driving him to his appointments and then we will go vote. The polling place is wheel chair accessable so that will be easy as well. I am going to take him out for supper at the restaurant of his choice.

They are still indicating that he will be going home Friday. If not, I will break him out for another doctor's appointment on Friday and treat him to supper again. I think we will both enjoy our time away from the hospital.

Yesterday while I visited we when down to the vending machines near the cafeteria and talked for about an hour in the cafeteria. He said he really enjoyed the time out of his room. I think we will be leaving the hospital room every evening the rest of the week to get him out and about.

Tonight I will be able to attent my guild meeting. DH was very good about giving up his evening visit. Since I saw him for an hour this morning while we practiced car transfer procedures and will be spending several hours together I think he was really sweet to let me go. I have a block to sew that needs to be turned in and I hope that I am the winner this month. If not, I will applaud the other member who wins as hard as possible!

DH will probably be getting a new roommate sometime this week. His current roommate is to be released tomorrow if all things go well.

Please pray for all the doctor's, nurse's, aid's, occupational therapist's and physcial therapist's that worked so hard for DH recovery. Along with your prayers they have brought about a miracle that I never anticipated.

Coming Home

The physical therapist at the rehab center told DH yesterday that he thought DH would be released on November 7 and come home! Excitement! Happiness! Pleasure! It will be so good to have him home!

Every day in physical therapy he is increasing his strength and endurance. He is walking up a full flight of stairs in the rehab and walking down a full flight of stairs. That means he will have no difficulty getting around our bi-level home.

We have discovered that the type of walker that we have at home is not going to be the design that the therapist recommends. Another walker will have to be purchased. I am fairly sure that the insurance will pay for it.

Last night I delivered the next installment of t-shirts to DH. Everyone in rehab has been commenting on the different shirts he wears so I brought some different ones to him. It is a way to get him and the people around to interact. This is probably the hardest change that has taken place in his life since he was disabled. There has to be something he can be involved in that will continue this interaction. MIL and I have told him over and over to "get a hobby", but this is difficult because he has always been a worker and had very little play in his life other than his gun collection and scuba diving. Each of these are very expensive to support so with our financial circumstances being what they are these are not a possibility. We are going to have to work harder on this.

Again I must thank all of you for your prayers for DH. I believe that you and others who have prayed made a miracle happen.

Moving On

DH continues to recover day by day. It is incredible to see the progress that he is making. I think his return home this week is a little aggressive, but hope to have him home by November 7. The dogs really miss him and spend as much time with me and as close as possible. I miss him too, but at least I get to visit him.

Last night we were talking about his driving and I told him that if he continued the way he is going and our family doctor agrees, I would be willing to be his passenger when he drives. He asked me when I started being worried about his driving and I had to think, but sometime in May he started to be more of a worry about driving for me. I hope he can get his driving privileges back. He would be much happier.

That is all for today. Please continue to pray for caregivers, dementia patients and their families.

Moving forward

DH is really making strides in his physical therapy. At this rate they may send him home much sooner that we had expected. His only requirement will be handling the steps in the bi-level we live in and taking care of the dogs while I am at work.

Last night he said that I had aged a year since he gotten ill. If he only knew how much this has taken out of me. I am exhausted all the time. Even with a good night sleep, I am still running on empty. Thank God we have the week in Gatlinburg coming up. I need the R&R very much and to be able to spend it with DH will be an added bonus.

I just got an e-mail from my sister-in-law from my first marriage. She has adopted two young children from Liberia. She and her husband are missionaries. She is also looking after the 3 children her daughter has as DD is pregnant and having a hard row to hoe this time. This is the SIL that everyone thought was a yahoo. She has turned out to be a very wonderful woman.

Just wanted to post an update.

Bless all of you for your continuing prayers.

Getting better every day

DH was up and sitting in the chair when I got to the hospital yesterday. Each day when I visit I see progress. I see a positive attitude and a total connection with the world around him. Today will be the first day of real physical therapy. Friday he was having low blood pressure because of the number of days flat in his bed. Today will be different, I know!

I am slowly getting back to a more even keel myself. I actually did some work around the house this weekend. Not nearly enough to catch up with where I was when DH got so sick, but a little bit that hadn't been done.

Thank you all so much for your prayers. Prayer does work and you have proven it!

You would not believe the difference

DH is in a quality hospital/rehab center and within 15 minutes of arriving his entire attitude and well being changed. Instead of being sick he was recovering. The difference was amazing. The people at the new location care. They were on top of the meds immediately and had no trouble going over the meds and dosages. They haven't missed a single dose or had the incorrect amount. I truly believe the other place was selling drugs that should have gone to the patients!

DH is in therapy right now. The therapist that evaluated him yesterday afternoon had him walking up and down the hall with a walker and indicated that DH was not to spend much time in bed. DH must be walking or sitting in a chair, instead of vegging in the bed. Hooray! Finally someone who knows and cares about recovery.

DH is sharper than he has been in weeks. We discussed his reaction to the treatment he has received since the ambulance ride. Initially he was angry when he realized that we had put him on a ventilator. He was the one to make the decision to turn off the machines when his father was so ill. He never wanted to be hooked up to machines. Now a few days later he realizes that we made a decision based on the background of his wishes. He also knows that in the future all factors will be taken into consideration before any medical intervention is done. That he wants DNR under extreme circumstances I understand and will follow, but if he can recover the way he is now, intervention will occur.

We are going to Gatlinburg for a week in early November. He is excited about it. He is already making plans on locations he wants to visit. This is an excellent sign. I am so happy and relieved that these two weeks are over and at the same time these two weeks have brought us closer together. Not a nice way to make a marriage stronger, but stronger our marriage is.

Thanks for the prayers. Please continue to pray for all who need prayers. It doesn't matter what your religious background is, you have a entity that you believe in even if it is only a "High Power" and your prayers are heard.

Getting out of that ____ hole

Today DH will be getting out of his current rehab and into a quality facility. Last night they didn't give DH his pain medication and then lied. He said this morning he could tell the difference once they gave him the morning dose. I am going to find out the process for filing a complaint with the government about this rehab/rest home facility. There are going to be some heads rolling!

I will take some FMLA time to make sure the move goes well.

Thank you again for all the prayers and continue to pray for all patients who have dementia. It is a scary time for them as they loose contact with everything they remember.

Transfer approved

DH will be transferred from the rehab center to the hospital/rehab center tomorrow. I think the people at the current center are in a tizzy. Maybe they have never had a patient transferred away from them before. They seem to think that we are mis-treating them when the shoe is on the other foot. I hope that they learn to properly treat their patients in the future. We may have been the first to complain about the treatment. If they keep it up we won't be the last.

Thank you for your prayers!

Getting better every day

DH is getting stronger everyday. I still have not been able to get him out of the present rehab facility. They still haven't gotten all his meds and he has been there for three and a half days. How unprofessional.

DH is back to normal. Minor short term memory problems and no other evidence of dementia. I really believe that the symptoms the last six weeks were him getting ill and not the dementia. This is very good news as far as I am concerned. I thought dementia was going to take him rapidly. Now I think I will have him around for a much longer time.

Prayers going out from me to all of you reading my blog. Thank you for your prayers for all caregivers and dementia patients.

Update on Rehab facility

Last night while I was visiting DH he was given his pain meds. I asked to look at the dispensing cup and discovered an 80 mg pain med, but no 20 mg pain med. The nurse said "Oops, I forgot it". Then they brought additional evening meds and his anxiety med was 1/2 the dosage he is supposed to get.

The head nurse and I went over the list of med they have copied (by hand) from the list (printed) of meds from the hospital and the discrepancy is unbelievable. They are missing at least 8 meds and have wrong doses on several more. This is unacceptable!

DH went to physical therapy yesterday for the first time. The facility has very old weight machines or else the maintenance is poor. He was working on his arm muscles and the ROPE that lifts the weights broke. A ROPE????? I have phone calls into our doctor and the admissions office at the local hospital that is well known for rehab. I hope to get DH transferred asap.

DH is much more alert and involved in his care and his surroundings. I think that this illness was in progress for a long time and we thought it was the dementia. I want a really good analysis of his actual dementia symptoms. We cannot let an infection or illness happen again and just pass it off as dementia!

Bless all of you and keep praying for everyone you know who is facing physical issues. Prayers can make miracles happen.

Rehab

I do not like the rehab facility that DH is in. I am trying to get him moved.

He is not getting his medications in a timely manner and they are lying about what meds he is getting. The housekeeping is bad and a breathing treatment that should last about 1/2 hour is being left on for two or more hours.

DH is definitely lucid! He is aware of what is going around him. However, he still have short term memory loss. I have to make sure that his communication is accurate before I act on it.

This illness may have been a fortunate experience. We have learned a lot about his care and treatment. Also we have learned warning signs and symptoms to be looking for so that this does not happen again.

God is so good to us. He heaps blessings on us when we least expect them.

God bless you and keep you. Please continue to pray for dementia patients, their families and friends and caregivers. Thank you.

DH has been transferred to Rehab

DH is settling in to rehab in a private room. He will have no physical therapy until Monday. Tonight we will be choosing his menu for the next seven days. What fun! He is a picky eater.

He seems quite upbeat and happy right now. That is a good sign. Never before has he agreed to go to rehab when it was recommended. Also, he has never felt as weak and almost defeated as he does now.

We continue on the road of recovery from this illness knowing that there is another road that parallels us and that is the dementia.

Keep praying. God hears all prayers and knows all hopes and concerns.

DH is much better

DH is symptom free. He has beaten the pneumonia, the staff infection and his kidneys are back to his baseline level. He is still very weak.

DH will be transferred to a rehab facility in Cincinnati today. His doctor expects him to be there for two weeks. It is further away from our home and I will only be able to visit in the evening. The important this is that DH is getting better! Thank you for all your prayers.

Yesterday evening DH seemed a little disoriented. He was talking about things I had never heard him discuss before. I don't know if it is the dementia or not. I do not know exactly what the rehab facility will be ordered to do, but I hope a full dementia exam will be part of it. DH's doctor had talked about it four weeks ago. We will have to see what is ordered.

I made a friend while DH was in ICU. Her name is Carol. Her husband is very ill with congestive heart failure and pulmonary failure. I met her as I was walking into the hospital today and she indicated that she thought he had taken a turn for the worse overnight. Please pray for Carol as she goes through loosing a husband of close to 50 years.

Please continue to pray for family members of dementia patients and the patients themselves. It is hard to see a loved one loose there memory. It is harder to see them realize that it is happening and there is no reversal. God bless you and have a wonderful weekend.

Geting Better

DH is slowly getting better. He has not run a temperature since Saturday and is doing well breathing on his own. They will be getting him out of bed for a short time today.

MIL is coming to visit for the day. A family member will be driving her up from home to the hospital. We expect then around noon. MIL is not in good health herself, but she is managing. I am sure that DH being very ill has not been good for her.

I am getting as much sleep as I can, but this has taken a lot out of me too. I know that DH will not be coming directly home, but going to a rehab facility not too far from our home. He is very weak and will need some assistance that I cannot give him for the first few days after he is released from the hospital.

Please continue to pray for all dementia patients and their families.

Update

We have been through a very rough weekend. Friday morning I called 911 and the ambulance took DH to the hospital. He had a temperature of 104 and his kidneys were shutting down. He had a very bad infection and pneumonia. We almost lost him.

At 10 Friday morning they put him on a ventilator and started massive antibiotics and other medications to jump start his kidneys. He was still delirious and not communicating.

Friday evening they had to sedate him because he was trying to remove the tubes from the ventilator. He was communicating and indicating anxiety and confusion. He slept all day Saturday and Sunday as they decreased the amount of oxygen he was on and he started assisting the ventilator.

This morning they changed his sedation medication and started to ween him off. At 10:30 they took him off the ventilator and he was talking a little. We have him on the road to recovery.

He will have to go from the hospital to rehab for a period. I am not sure when he will be returning home.

Please continue to pray for all caregivers and dementia patients. Thank you.

Ask for help

Last night was even worse. We almost didn't make it into the bedroom and then I had to totally undress DH and put him in bed. He was not really able to communicate when I got him in bed and I almost called 911.

This morning I had to dress him, wash his face and oversee his breakfast and pills. I have been crying ever since.

I just called our doctor and they are going to see about getting more help for me. Adult day care is a possibility, but getting DH out of the house may be more than I can physically do. My right knee is getting worse every day, but I cannot have surgery at this time.

My MIL called last night and was very upset. She asked what is wrong with Jimmy. I told her he was having a bad day and it was caused by the dementia. She was crying.

Pray for all of us. We need every prayer you can make, please.

Home for lunch

Today I went home at lunch to check on DH. He is not doing well. He could not stay awake between bites of sandwich or answer questions. I will be going straight home after work to be his care-giver.

Bless you

Lucid or not

Last evening was the hardest so far. DH had taken his pills out of order and I had to almost carry him on my shoulders down the hall to bed. I had to undress him and put on his CPAP. This is almost beyond my abilities. When he was getting up this morning he asked why I didn't just let him sleep in the recliner in the living room. That may be a solution.

After a long conversation with my daughter we decided that James can no longer be left at home alone over night. This is the end of my retreats. We agreed that one night a week after supper I can justify going to a guild meeting or neighborhood quilt group. I may rejoin the knitting group at my church ocassionally on weeks when my quilt groups do not meet. I do need some time away from home that is not at work.

My schedule is undergoing a drastic change in that I will have to make sure that DH has his breakfast and morning pills before I leave for work. Fortunately I live near work so I can go home at lunch and make sure he eats and takes his noon meds. Then straight home after work, unless there is grocery shopping to do. This seems such a slight thing to do for DH. Many would consider it a major chore. I find the more I do for him the more I love him.

DD doesn't understand the concept of respite. She cannot differentiate between being responsible right now and having someone else take care of DH while I am away relaxing and still worrying, but not responsible. She will be a verbal support, but that is all she can offer.

I hope we are not close to the next step of Adult Day Care. We are only eligible for two days a week at no cost. The other three will be our financial responsibility and I do not think we can find it in our budget.

Please continue to pray for all Alzheimer and other dementia patients and their care-givers.

Nothing good to report

Yesterday DH tried to work on his car. At the end of the day he indicated that he had done too much.

Last night I helped him down the hall to the bedroom. As he was removing his jeans he fell hard onto his left hip and shoulder. It was difficult to get him up off the floor.

Today he seems a little confused. I don't know if he is going down to another level of not being involved with the world around him. He seems to be drifting.

Still waiting for the doctor to call me back. I need some direction.

Bless you and keep you safe for another day.

Latest changes

DH is becoming paranoid. He thinks that the doctor and I are out to get him. He has found another gun in the house that I did not know about. He has given his word that he will not drive, but I am not sure how much longer he can be trusted to keep his word. He is more unsteady on his feet.
Please pray for all care-givers and victims of dementia.

Brief Update

I have just learned something new about Dementia. It is non linear. There are peak and valleys. We have just struggled out of a very deep valley and are working our way back to what must be called normalcy.

DH was severely depressed for four weeks. Saturday he suddenly broke through and was eating, talking and walking with no assistance. He is back to what was normal prior to Labor Day. It has been a valley of death in many ways. I thought I was going to loose him.

Now it is back to one day at a time. Sometimes it is only one minute at a time. We struggle with the daily issues and try to show each other our love.

Bless you and keep you.

Dear Husband

I will not be blogging for a while. My husband has gotten much worse and I will be trying to get him into the hospital today.

Please pray for us, Karen

Downturn

DH is starting to hallucinate. Last evening he asked me where the people were. When I asked what people he was unable to answer. I told him the only person that I was aware of visiting yesterday was his nurse. He gave me a blank stare and drifted off to sleep again. During supper last evening DH almost fell asleep while eating. This is not a good sign.

We go from day to day not knowing what the next day will bring. I had hoped to get a respite the first weekend in October. Now I have to find someone to stop by the house several times during each day to check up on James or I cannot go. We were scheduled to vacation in Pigeon Forge in November. I have a wheel chair and if the weather is good we can still get around. It all depends on how DH is doing.

Right now I feel that we are on a very slippery slope with no plateaus ahead.

Again I ask for prayers for all dementia and Alzheimer's patients, their extended families and caregivers.

Have a blessed day.

Difficult Weekend

This weekend was the most difficult so far. DH was stumbling, unable to remember things and it was difficult to understand what he was saying.

He spent most of the weekend sleeping. We went to visit his mother and she was in shock. She even said she didn't realize how ill DH was. She is dealing with her own heartache. Her only son.

Yesterday was Alzheimer's remembrance day. Please pray for all dementia and Alzheimer patients, their extended families and caregivers.

I am watching my husband die an inch at a time.

HAPPY DANCE

The power is back on in our neighborhood. It took an ambulance ride for a child down the street (dehydration) to get Duke to work but within 8 hours after the event we had power. A local policeman was going house to house yesterday checking on everyone without power. I am sure the interview with DH and my neighbor who has known me for 29 years and knows all about DH helped push Duke to get into our area.

THANK YOU to all DUKE energy staff and personnel. THANK YOU to the FAIRFIELD Police Department. You made my life much easier!

DH is on oxygen 24/7. He hates it!

DH cannot find his car keys. I may have to go home this afternoon (taking 1/2 day of vacation) to help him look for the keys.

Bless all of you who are praying for us and all Alzheimer and dementia patients and caregivers.

Things are slipping

Yesterday's visit by the home nursing staff has brought about many changes. DH will have to go on oxygen 24/7. He is going to fight that.

Pray for all who have Alzheimer's and other dementias and the caregivers of those who are ill with this disease.

Help may be on the way

Today I went home at lunch. I was worried about DH. While I was there the home health care nurse that was requested by our primary care physician called and asked if she could come over and do an assessment. Yes. Immediately. Long story short it looks like there are programs that we might be eligible for. Meals on Wheels would be a God send because I would know that someone is checking on DH while I am at work. Anything else would be icing on the cake.

While the nurse was there should checked DH blood oxygen saturation level and it was too low. She was going to call our doctor with the news. DH may have to go on oxygen to keep up the numbers. The nurse also said that James must not drive in order to be eligible for these services. This may be the only way I can get the keys away from him. I will have to sell the 2nd car asap, too. This has been a bone of contention for several weeks and even the doctors have told him to stop driving. He still wants that adult freedom. If I can convince him it is only as long as he needs the home health care assistance, maybe he will buy into it.

September 21 is Alzheimer's Day. Please pray for all patients and caregivers.

A VERY BAD DAY

Today is not a good day. In fact I believe it is the worst day so far. I called DH from work and he was not able to have a conversation with me. There were terrible lengths of silence and I had to repeat questions and then make them very simple in order to get an answer. I will be going home at lunch to check on him.

Bless you and please pray for us.

Reaction to damage from Hurricane Ike

Here in Cincinnati we had to deal only with the high winds from Hurricane Ike. However, almost 90% of our population were without power and we still have 50% of those without power.
DH is back in his depression. He feels guilt that he is not out there helping our neighbors cut down damaged trees, but he doesn't do anything about it.
Today is day two of the bad days after several good days. He even enjoyed the wind storm. Go figure.
May the Lord bless you and keep you safe.

A middle of the road day

This morning DH had difficulty eating again. No appetite for cereal. Tomorrow will need to be a hardy breakfast of biscuits and gravy to tempt his appetite.

Today he is complaining about wanting two good days in a row. I think he does too much on the day he feels well and then is too exhausted the second day. He was raised with the drive to work hard every day. Now that is really beyond his capabilities but had still tries. It's hard to see him slow down.

I am doing okay today. Now real stressors to deal with so far. But the day is early and I don't do too well at predicting the future.

God bless you on this beautiful day.

Getting back into the groove

DH had another relatively good day Thursday. Although he did have some trouble at the ATM he was able to finally get his allowance, get a hair cut and fuel his car. Today he was already to go fill it up when I just said no. He really has no awareness of the actual rise in fuel prices in the last week and what will happen in the next few days because of hurricane Ike.

This morning DH seemed functional at several levels. Looks like another good day.

Pray for us as we pray for you.

A Good Day

DH had a very good day yesterday. He mowed the lawn in the front and back yards. He couldn't remember unlocking the gate to the back yard and thought he had lost the keys to the gate and mower. Luckily he had an extra key to the mower and was able to do his desired chore. About 10 in the evening he found the gate and mower key right on the table next to his recliner where he had put them. We still have not found the missing phone and base.

Yesterday he was surfing the internet and found a website about sleep apnea. He was telling me that sleep apnea could cause stroke, dementia and death. I hope that he retains this information! Last night was the first time he didn't grumble about using his CPAP. I really hope he remembers. He kept the mask on all night. I really hope!

Today he is going to get his hair cut. He is still driving. Please don't let him get lost. I wish the barber where he goes was closer to home.

Thank you for your prayers the last few days.

A Good Day

Yesterday DH had a good day. He even recognized it as such. He received a call from my MIL that she needs knee replacement. She will be 88 in October and is still living on her own. He immediately jumped in to be part of the solution and called me at work. I contacted the senior center/nursing home near our home and got the necessary information. I called James and told him what his mother needs to do. Not a 1/2 hour later he called for the phone number and then proceeded to ask the same questions I did. He called me angry that I had not told him I already called. ??? Then he proceeded to wash and wax his car. Any activity is a good thing.

When I got home after work he was asleep and except for supper was that way until 8:00. But, he was able to eat supper without any accidents. Because he woke me up at 3:00 AM Monday morning I went to sleep at 8:00 and so did he. A good night until he woke me up trying to remove his CPAP. I told him to keep it on and he did.

One good day down and we will see what today brings.

Please pray for another good day.

The weekend

DH has not had a good day since August. We have an appointment with the neurologist in two weeks. I think I need to talk to the doctor one-on-one.

After this weekend with DH sleeping all the time, having trouble feeding himself, falling, messing up his pills and not coming to bed until the wee hours of Monday morning, there has to be something done. If this is just depression, it needs to be addressed. If it is something more I need help.

Pray for both of us and his mother. She is aware of what is happening and is frightened. He comes and goes as far as denial of the dementia. I am about at the end of my rope.

Update

Yesterday DH slept all day and all evening. I finally figured out why when I woke him to go to bed. He had taken his sleeping pills at supper time. He staggered down the hall and I had to help him undress.

I sure hope today is better or I will be calling the doctor.

God bless you and keep you.

I don't know

DH fell today. The only injury was his dignity. He has slept through the last seven days with little or no interaction with the outside world. He is confused. He cannot figure out how to use the remote control on the TV or the Dish. He is having trouble eating. His hands are shaking so bad he cannot control them. He does not know what day of the week is. He wanted to know why I was at home and not at work today (it is Saturday). He moved the remote phone from the living room and I cannot find the base or receiver.

I have no one to lean on and no one to talk to. I am lost and crying.

Up Hill Climb

DH is experiencing such depression that it is affecting his dementia. Since Friday of last week he has had no relief of his symptoms and in fact they are getting worse. When depression is fighting the medications depression wins hands down.

I need to get out my copy of "The 36 Hour Day" and use it as a reference and see what insight it may give me. Then I will pass it along to my daughter and SIL and ask them to please read or at least skim through it so that they can have an idea of what I am experiencing as a caregiver.

May the Lord bless you and keep you safe.

Depression from an artical on www.cbsnews.com

CDC: One In 20 Americans Depressed

Sept. 4, 2008
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(WebMD) More than one in 20 Americans aged 12 and older are depressed, according to the latest statistics from the CDC.

Of them, 80% report some level of functional impairment because of their illness, with 27% reporting that it is extremely difficult to work, get things done at home, or get along with others because of the symptoms of their depression.

Reflecting this high rate of functional impairment, almost two-thirds of the estimated $83 million that depression cost the United States in the year 2000 resulted from lowered productivity and workplace absenteeism, say study authors Laura A. Pratt, PhD, and Debra J. Brody, MPH, both at the CDC. The authors culled data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey from 2005-2006, which comprised a nine-item screening tool asking about depressive symptoms during the past two weeks.

Baby Boomers, Women Hardest Hit by Depression

Rates of depression were higher in women and baby boomers aged 40-59 and non-Hispanic black people than other demographic groups, the study shows. And rates of depression were higher among poor people when compared to people with higher incomes.

A treatment gap also exists. Only 29% of depressed individuals said that they contacted a mental health professional in the past year, and just 39% of people with severe depression contacted a mental health professional in the past year.

Overall, these numbers are a bit lower than what we've seen in the past, but about five or more percent of people are currently depressed - that's one in 20 people who are impaired by an illness, says Donald Malone, MD, the section head of adult psychiatric services at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. If any other medical illness affected this many people, it would be a national crisis; but the reality is that depression is looked at differently and we don't hear those outcries for better treatment."

The stigma that is still attached to depression may be partially to blame.

Many people still come in and say depression is not real. It's a character flaw and people in my family say snap out of it, he says. The bottom line? People will not disclose something they feel stigmatized for.

Exactly how to lift the stigma associated with depression is a work in progress, he says.

Continuing to get the word out that this is an illness and something that is treatable with psychotherapy and medications is helpful, he says.

Depression is something real, not a character flaw or just who you are. It's an illness and we can make a difference.

Another tactic, he says, is to approach employers and let them know that one of 20 people working for them is not very productive because he or she is suffering from a treatable illness. This may encourage employers to develop programs that screen for and encourage treatment for depression.


By Denise Mann
Reviewed by Louise Chang
©2005-2008 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.

Another long night

Last night I got home from work and DH was asleep on the recliner. I took advantage of the down time and did a few things around the house. When he woke up at 9 in the evening I made supper and while we were eating I asked if he even remembered me coming home from work. Nope.

It's very lonely in our home. Pray for us, please.

It's Tuesday and it must be a working day

This was the longest 3 day weekend I have ever spent. DH had three bad days in a row. Either he was sleeping, talking about going squirrel hunting or mixing up his days and time. He started to feed the dogs their supper at 12:35 and thought it was 7:00 in the evening. He didn't remember eating lunch on Sunday and Monday he though we had already eaten when it wasn't even lunch time.

I am not sure how long this stage of his illness will last, but I see that I must get out of the house for a few minutes every non-working day or I will loose what little control I have and step over the line. It is so hard not to have anyone to talk to. Whether or not the care giver's group in my hometown is of any value or not, I must make every effort to attend the meetings.

Please pray for me.

Doctor's Advice

Yesterday I had an appointment with our primary care physician. He told me several things.

1. If family members refuse to help tell them "You can be part of the solution or part of the problem."

2. Have everyone you need assistance from read the book "The 36 Hour Day". He told me to give it to my daughter and TELL her to read the entire book.

3. If friends find that I am difficult to get along with and have a bad attitude, remember that they are not walking the path I am. And he also said to tell them to go live with the devil, or words to that effect.

God bless you on your walk with life.

Let go Let God

Have you ever had something happen to you that seems to take over your entire day? You keep turning it over to God and then taking it back to worry over some more. God keeps telling you that He cannot work on it until you let go. Well I am in the middle of a struggle about a problem and we are playing tug of war. Please, let God win!

First blog

Since January, 2008 I have been coping with my husband's diagnosis of Dementia. The Neurologist has not specified which of the many dementia's we are dealing with.

DH has short term memory losses, deep depression, and to a degree sundowner's syndrome. He is still in a state of denial and when evidence of his decline is shown to him he quickly forgets the incident. He is still driving. He still has control of his debit card. He still has control of his Internet access.

I, too, am dealing with depression. It has affected my work and my relationships with friends and co-workers.

This blog will be my outlet for frustration, joys and sorrows. I know that many others are dealing with what I am going through. I pray for all of them and ask in return that you pray for my DH and myself.

Thank you